Jan’s Autobiography

My childhood was influenced by the proximity of natural areas. When I was five, we moved to the suburbs. There was a woods at the end of our street, just two houses away. I explored this fascinating place, wondering about things that I found and enjoying the beauties of nature. When I was eight, this woods was bulldozed to make way for a new school. Fortunately, there was another wooded area a few blocks away. We’d go there and pick wild berries, make forts, climb trees and explore. I went almost every day. When this area was bulldozed in the 1960’s, I was deeply affected by the loss. This is how I came to care about the environment.

Although the Sixties are remembered as a time of increasing environmental awareness, this awareness did not noticeably affect the attitudes of those in my Toledo, Ohio high school. I felt alone in my love of nature. Progress, not conservation, seemed to be what everyone wanted. Progress meant using things to make money. Enjoying things for what they were seemed hopelessly anti-success. I reluctantly decided that I must be wrong, somehow, and that I’d have to bow to the pressure to survive. Feeling powerless, I turned to the only helpful power I’d learned of, God. At the end of high school, although I’d been raised Lutheran, I converted to Catholicism in my determination to become a nun.

After my freshman year in a Catholic college, I became a postulant in the Monastery of the Poor Clares. The Poor Clares are the contemplative (cloistered) branch of the Franciscan order. St. Francis’ love of nature had not escaped me. Unfortunately, a love of nature was not what the Poor Clares were seeking in a young aspirant. Being raised Lutheran didn’t help either. A friend of mine was dying of cancer. The nuns let me leave the cloister to care for her. Later they wrote me a letter explaining that they had prayed and come to the conclusion that I was not called to their life. There are those who love the life, but can’t live it, I was told. About a month later, my friend died.

In the midst of grief, wondering if even God had rejected me, I decided to go to nursing school, as the nuns had suggested that I become a nurse. At least nursing school gave me something to do and a place to stay. I didn’t fit in very well, but that was not new. I persevered. I became a registered nurse and went to work in a hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Ann Arbor was a center of activism at that time; the hospital, however, seemed unaffected. I volunteered for awhile on a feminist newspaper, became discouraged by the politics, and decided to give God another try. I became an “underway” (trial) member of The Word of God, a fundamentalist Christian community. Although (again) I did not fit in, I considered it a fault within myself. I may hold the record for the longest term as an underway member of that community—something like fifteen years. During that period, caring for a patient who was a physicist reminded me of my interest in science which stemmed from my love of nature. My nursing job supported me as I returned to school and earned a master’s degree in physics.

Still trying to fit into the “success” mode, I got a job in fusion research at KMS Fusion. My seven years at KMS were very good in many ways. I found that I could relate to scientists better than to any other people I’d known. Some KMS employees arranged weekend trips, and I was among them, learning to canoe and cross-country ski. The fact that our work was used primarily for weapons was ignored by many of us. A plan for a fusion reactor that could supply energy and also rejuvenate spent fission fuel rods was my focus as I suppressed the knowledge of the weapons aspects of our work. My career as a scientist lasted 20 years. Seeing my older colleagues having trouble finding jobs and the peace focus of the Friends’ (Quaker) meeting led to a decision to return to nursing.

In the meantime I’d left The Word of God, but I mourned the loss of community. Sunward Cohousing was being built at the time, and I was fortunate enough to get into the first cohousing community in Michigan. Talking with the people at Sunward, I found that there were others who valued the environment more than making money. I came to realize that enjoying things for what they are is a valid and rewarding approach to life, not a useless waste, as I’d been led to believe. It was at Sunward that I learned of Dancing Rabbit. Elph and Jillian, editors of the Communities Directory, lived in a co-op house across the lane from me for a few years before they moved next door to Great Oak Cohousing. Sunward hosted many attendees of the North American Students of Cooperation (NASCO) institute; one of them was Heather from Twin Oaks.

From Heather I learned that intentional communities based on ideas other than those of religion existed. I was excited to hear how the people at Twin Oaks lived.  My vacations from then on were used to visit communities. Twin Oaks was my first destination, followed by the Fellowship Community, Earthaven and Dancing Rabbit. Dancing Rabbit’s ecological focus and energetic atmosphere appealed to me; I visited again. I became a resident in April of 2007. That fall I sold my condo and became a member of Dancing Rabbit. This spring I plan to build a passive solar home here. Finally, I am living according to my values.

Jan with her buddy, Aurelia

March Hare Spring 2008 Issue 56

The Year of Mud		Dreams and Waking
Deconstruction 101		Profiles
Jan’s Autobiography

Come see our past issues for lots of Dancing Rabbit information.