I am preparing my heart, mind, and body to leave the place I have called home for the last year and a half. It has been a challenging time--full of new growth, loss, and a sense of freedom that I have never felt.
In community, I have been able to define myself by my ideas of what life should be like, not by society's norms and may have ruined my ability to live in the "normal" world again. I have learned more in these past 18 months than I have in the previous ten years.
I have found that I am good at things that I never even knew I could do. I can prepare food for winter storage, catch rainwater in self-crafted vessels, ferment a whole assortment of solids and liquids, and do basic building work. My gardening knowledge has blossomed. I discovered that I enjoy cross-country skiing, skating on frozen ponds, tapping maple trees, using a chainsaw, stomping cob, putting up roofs, and going on many a walk with my favorite dog friend, Maya.
The new fun activity that has been most rewarding to me has been playing Ultimate Frisbee. One day last spring, I was drawn to the recreation field to learn this sport despite not caring much for competitive team sports. Cecil and Tony, helped me learn all the rules. The players supported me when I made a fantastic play, and soon enough I started to feel pride in my level of ability. After an hour or more on the field with people I care about, flying around catching Frisbees, I feel great. I have found that my body hungers for movement and my mind appreciates the flow of adrenaline.
But it has not been an altogether easy time for an emotionally driven person like me. As I find personal growth fascinating and rewarding, communication has been my main focus since coming to DR. Conflict with others has to be dealt with openly and in a caring way, or it can be difficult to function within the group. I have sometimes felt isolated and uncared for, but I have felt like that when living elsewhere. I realize that I bring my own issues along with me. There is no hiding from yourself when you live in community.
People at Dancing Rabbit are often very busy building a village and a life where there is little infrastructure. It takes an immense amount of time and energy. Because of that, it can be a challenge to find time to make close bonds, but I feel I have ultimately succeeded in that arena. I have a handful of close friendships here, which I intend to hold on to for many years to come.
Now I ask myself--what is it that I will be remembered for? Will it be for the energy I have for organizing social events? Maybe. Perhaps they will laughingly recall how anal I am about the configuration of the furniture in the great room? Not my favorite option. I hope they will think of the food that I love to create and share with everyone. But mostly I hope to be remembered for a loving heart and open arms--the ability to be real and present.
I am embarking on a new, but not so different journey. Myself and my husband, a homesick Dutch man, leave for Europe in mid-April. We will visit our two-year-old nephew, who doesn't know his aunt or uncle, see Eastern Europe before it looks like Western Europe, and visit communities in various countries. If we don't find a community that suits us, we could find ourselves back at Dancing Rabbit.
Thanks for the great times, Dancing Rabbit! See you again, I promise.
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