As the winter wind blows January to a close, I will be traveling along to a new home, moving on to new adventures and discovering new ways of life.
"But Andra!", you say, "I (or my friend or my grandma or my dog) would love to live at Dancing Rabbit! How could you dream of leaving?"
Well, dear reader, it was not an easy decision to make. It was a short but difficult road to travel. Take a trip back in time with me to the fall -- leaves on the ground, warm days, garden harvests -- winter was but a vague scent in the air. During this season I had a time of questioning, as many people do at various points in life. "What do I want? What are my goals? What keeps me where I am?" Oh dear, these questions weigh more than your standard postage would cover.
Out of this arose the big question: should I stay at Dancing Rabbit or should I go? A clash of desire, indeed.
Andra and her alter ego, Bear
It's true, I could be a part of an income-sharing group at DR. However the only income-sharing group at present is Skyhouse. So, if Skyhouse is not the group you want to be a part of, you have to create your own. Money and work are pretty touchy subjects (for me at least). They are subjects that hold much guilt, worry and power. To me, income sharing in a small group (like Skyhouse) means having an intimate relationship with all people involved. It is not a relationship to be taken lightly. Since DR is not a large community, finding people with whom you are interested in sharing income and creating this intimate relationship with can be difficult. Which gets us to my next point.
Before moving to DR, I lived in the city. I went to see bands, went for walks around busy sidewalks, and would be out and about until late at night. This city part of me wants activity and people up at all hours. A larger community seemed in order to have an environment of more options for activity and more people to participate in activities (aka: more people to play with!). Don't get me wrong, Rabbits know how to have fun and can have quite a party at times. DR is full of intelligent, compassionate, hard working people. They are here for the purpose of creating a village, not necessarily for developing deep bonds with each other. People care about each other, get along well and are damn good at creating a village. But, I've developed a desire for deeper relationships and connections. I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I want and need to work on these connections. And I, being a shy person, have a hard time finding people with which I am comfortable creating those relationships. For me, a larger community will allow more chances for connections to be made with other people, to find more people of my tribe, so to speak.
What else? Well, quite honestly, pioneering isn't easy! It's mighty hard work and physically uncomfortable at times. Imagine building a house under the time pressure of winter, working in the garden all day in the heat of summer, carrying water to your house in five-gallon carboys or using candles for light when cloudy days have failed to provide solar power. Ecovillage living isn't posh. While it feels good to complain, I don't terribly mind these discomforts. Using the outhouse when it's 5 degrees is somewhat invigorating! I imagine I'll return to this style of life at some point in my future, but with different circumstances.
I love DR. I hold it's inhabitants dear (all of them! people, dogs, bunnies, grasses, soil). I have learned much here about construction, biodiesel, homesteading, relationships, and, of course, myself. The vision of an ecological village is the driving desire behind DR and this beautiful goal is getting closer each year. Rabbits are getting structures and systems in place. People are realizing that living ecologically is a must for the future. DR is running determinedly toward its goal. But, I realize, the village is not my goal. I support it. I feel its need in the world. I have contributed to its growth. But now it's time for me to move towards my own goals.
So what are my goals? Ultimately my goal is to find a home and family (even if that means a group of family-like friends) and live self-sufficiently among that group in some degree of community. For me, living outside of the dominant culture is mandatory. Also important is finding people with whom I can connect deeply and create a caring environment.
I like being in community. Living cooperatively and sharing resources is important to me. I believe that simply living in community and sharing resources with others is an ecological act. Because goals, people and activities of a community and the shifting desires of the community seeker vary, perhaps it is difficult to find a long lasting match between the two. DR was the right place for me for a time. I value and cherish the home it has been. But now, this Bunny is hoppin' along to a new home.
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